I lost an uncle this week. One passed away last month. Both these uncles were huge parts of my childhood. I wasn’t as close as an adult for whatever reason. The last two days I’ve just been thinking … People change.Relationships, friendships, acquaintances – all change. It’s the only constant. Not one that I like, understand or want to accept. But they do. And not all evolutions or change seem to be for the better. Some leave you awestruck while others confuse you. Some hurt. Some make you just mad as hell… But acceptance is always hard to come by. Self or otherwise. And life brings you to the point where you just let go and make peace. This was something I wrote sometime back about letting go and when I was having a hard time with it.
Of all the things in my life
that I’d thought I would let go of,
You never figured on the list.
You never made the cut
I didn’t think I would ever
or that I could even.
But today I am
letting go of my idea of you,
And accepting the reality of you.
Letting go of my idea of the ideal
and accepting that the friendship is buried under too much baggage.
Letting go of the my idea of the way I should love you
and begin to love you the only way I can.
Letting go of the bitterness
and accepting that despite everything we were still laughing together.
Letting go of the hurt
and accepting all that happened and the choice was mine to forgive- myself and you.
And I choose that.
To forgive myself. To make peace with myself.
To let go of you.
And accept me.
and Us- the way we are now.