Of a Guardian Angel

Not a day has gone by when I didn’t think of you

Initially, you were on my mind all the time,

then slowly you popped in randomly, everyday…

A voice in my head when I needed advice,

A random memory to make me smile,

A childhood memory to relate to my kids…

While preparing the Vishu Kani

When the aunty next door made some version of moloshiyam and the smell wafted into my kitchen…

Your kiss when you would put your nose to my cheek and inhale my scent

A sense of being watched over during tough moments…

I think over the last year all of us talked about you often,

and I don’t think I ever realized the profound effect you had on our lives,

The small traditions, the stories, just your calming presence, your strength.

We didn’t talk often enough…

But the fact that you were there was enough…

And then you were gone, last year this day…

Leaving us feeling orphaned in varying degrees…

I still haven’t been able to go back there.

I still can’t picture walking into the Illom and not squeezing you tight…

I thought of you today and all you meant to me.

and felt an immense amount of grief wash over me.

It still didn’t feel real.

Like a year passed…

And while I sat there , thinking of when i held your cold hand in the ICU

my little girl ran up to me and told me she was going to kiss me just the way ” Badi Amme ” did

in that moment of being loved..

I knew that I have a guardian angel somewhere out there looking out for me and thinking of me too.

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